SPACE: Above and Beyond

No infringement of the following characters and situations is intended. The Characters and situations of the TV program "SPACE: Above and Beyond" are the creations of Glen Morgan and James Wong, Fox Broadcasting and Hard Eight Productions, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Rated [MA] Mature Adults only. Contains strong m/m sexual scenes, violence, coarse language and adult themes.

NC 17 sexual content, drug references, strong language.
Space: Above and Beyond is the property of Hard Eight etc and no infringement is intended.

Happily Ever After

The room, that had always seemed so crowded, noisy and warm, was cold and silent, and empty, but for the breathing of it's two last occupants.

After the longest while, Nathan pulled himself up a little, and played absently with the tag in his hands.

Kylen. After searching for her so long, mourning for her, pining for her, he'd finally found her, and brought her home, keeping his promise. Only now, without so much as a handshake, she was gone again, they were apart again.

The worst thing had been her eyes. She had known, too. She had looked into his eyes and just known,
the way she always did. She knew that he'd grieved for her, and then he had put the grief aside. Finding her, at last, the feel of her in his arms once more, it had been all he'd wanted. And yet it had been a hollow, empty experience. And now she was gone, without a chance to reclaim what they had lost.

And McQueen. His fist tightened around the tag. He'd given it back to Nathan. He'd given up, broken the promise that he'd always be there for them. Anger and betrayal fought with loss for control of his soul.

McQueen had betrayed them, by being human, and mortal, afterall. He'd lost his friends, his family, chasing after a dream. And Kylen, Kylen had known, but not really understood or felt the depth of Nathan's sacrifices.

The thumbed the speaker button absently.

Kylen's words; "I believe in all of you." echoed around the empty room.

Cooper rolled on his side to face him at last.

"You hungry?" he asked of the Invitro.

Cooper shook his head silently, unable to speak, his eyes reflecting the horror of his situation, abandoned and alone.

"Me neither," agreed West, glancing at the clock, then settling down to stare at the walls again.

"Why'd you leave them," Hawkes asked at last, voice thick with emotion, not looking at Nathan.

"Duty," Nathan replied. "Shane ordered me too. We had to bring back the colonists."

"You chose her over Shane and Phousse." Hawkes accused.

Nathan turned over the tag in his hand again. How could he explain to Hawkes that as much as he loved Shane and Phousse, a Jack of Spades would always beat a Queen of Diamonds and an Ace of Hearts.

"Coop," he began softly. "There was nothing I could do. The gravity caught them. There was nothing I could do for Paul. He chose to make that sacrifice. The only thing I could do, was my duty, to bring them back home. And you. I had to save you."

Hawkes looked at Nathan for a long minute, then turned away again.
"You going to see her again?" he asked.

Nathan shrugged.

"They left on the same bird," Hawkes observed. Left them both, washed up, discarded.

"McQueen will be back," Nathan promised, trying to cheer Hawkes, but the Invitro didn't believe him.

He rolled over, back to Nathan, and Nathan let him have his privacy, his own emotions still too wave tossed to sort through. All he could do was just lie there and let himself be buffeted by the tides of loss,
despair and hopelessness.

Cooper enthusiastically but messily emptied out bits of food he'd stuffed into his pockets.

"Got you stuff," he announced brightly.

West observed him first with tired disinterest, them with increasing distress. Cooper had slunk off miserable, all but doubled over with grief and loss a couple of hours ago. Now here he was, positively hyper, almost manic in his behaviour. Nathan sat up, the realisation that something was drastically wrong piercing his own gloom shrouded little bubble.

He stood, ignoring the half mangled hot dog Hawkes proffered, moving in close, in an unconscious imitation of McQueen, studying his eyes, and then slamming him back against the wall in anger.

"What?" wailed Hawkes, not expecting the sudden attack.

"You stupid fuck," Nathan snarled. "You went out and got Meanies, didn't you? Didn't you?"

Cooper nodded like a scolded child.

Nathan pushed him back up against the wall again, fists bunched in his flight suit.

"You fucking moron. If you flunk another drug test Ross will kick you out, and I'll have no one! No
one!" he screamed, banging Cooper up against the wall.

Cooper tried to put his hands up defensively.

"Leave me alone," he cried.

"You will be alone if Ross finds out. Now give them to me!"

Cooper pulled the packet from his pocket and threw them at Nathan, hard.

"Is that it?"

Cooper nodded warily.

Nathan didn't trust him for a second. He held Cooper against the wall with one hand on his chest, and search him, patting him down. Unable to find anymore, he scrunched the bag in his fist, went to the head and flushed it, ignoring Cooper's miserable expression.

Cooper slumped down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

"You stupid, stupid..." Nathan stopped at the word tank.

"I just wanted to stop feeling," Cooper murmured. Wanted to get rid of the pain. I've never felt like this,
ever, I don't know what to do."

Nathan suddenly realised the seven year old had been orphaned, suddenly and terribly losing all but one of his family, and had no coping structures to deal with the grief. Nathan guiltily realised he'd been too involved in his own grief to spare a thought for how alone and scared Cooper must be feeling. He'd lost Paul, Shane and Vanessa, and worst of all, he'd lost McQueen, his father, teacher and lover.

"Cooper," he slid down the wall to sit beside him, and they shared their silence.

"I don't know what to do," Cooper repeated softly, after a while.

"It's simple," Nathan offered fondly. "You cry."

Gently, tenderly, he gathered Cooper into his arms like a child, and held him.

Cooper had never cried before. The tears came in clumsy, shuddering sobs, then hard screams as he vented his grief all at once, angry and scared, like a storm in Nathan's arms.

Nathan held onto furiously, him, not letting go, even at the worst of it, until he was all cried out He softly stroked up and down Cooper's spine, kissing the top of his head softly, his hand straying up to caress the tiny ring of flesh on the back of his neck, his touches shifting subtly from fraternal to sensual, stirring barely repressed longings in both of them. Now all they had was each other. Cooper raised his face to meet Nathan's eyes, and Nathan bent to touch his lips to Cooper's tear stained skin, brushing his lips over his cheek until he reached his lips, tongue tracing their outline. Cooper's lips parted and allowed him entrance, swallowing him, drawing him down, deeper, until they were lying on the floor in each others arms, moving in time to an unspoken rhythm. Cooper choked and came, the pain of his loss momentarily forgotten in a rolling wave of numbing pleasure. He fell asleep in Nathan's arms, there on the floor, and Nathan was still holding him, nursing him as he leant back against the wall, smoothing his hair at intervals, when Ross peeked in for a second, and realising he was intruding, almost silently shut the door again. Whatever news he had could obviously wait until morning.

It was 0900 hours when Ross screwed his courage to the sticking place and pushed open the hatch to the decimated 58th quarters.

Nathan jumped, startled from his uncomfortable position hunched over in the chair next to Hawkes' bunk.

"At ease, Lt," he advised gruffly. "The ship shrink wants to check you both out, and the old man wants you both in debriefing at 1600."

"Sir," West looked pained. "Can it wait til tomorrow? We're not ready, neither of us. And Cooper's sick,
Sir."
One look at Hawkes told him the real story. Lying naked under the sheets, having thrown up all down his flight suit, sweating slightly, skin pale, dark purple circles under his eyes, the bed sheets bunched in his hands, his breath coming slightly faster than normal. Hawkes was coming down off Meanies. He'd seen it often enough with Ty; had hoped he'd never have to see it again. He'd never really cared for Hawkes, but Ty loved him fiercely, and it pricked at him to see the kid in obvious distress. He could kick the stupid little idiot back to earth right now, but that would help nobody; not Ty, not West, and not Hawkes. And seeing as he was nursing a mother of a hangover himself, from toasting his absent friend bitterly and frequently, he'd be the worst kind of hypocrite for busting Hawkes for doing the same thing; trying to dull the pain. It was also obvious that West had intervened, and was nursing Hawkes through the withdrawal, much like he had tried to drag McQueen through it. Those two needed each other, and they were McQueen's kids, and that counted for a lot.

"I'll see what I can do," he promised, leaving them to their silence.

"Dear Nathan,

Ty and I were thrilled and proud to hear of your promotion to Captain.

Ty is doing so much better, and we are hoping that he may return to active duty soon, though this will mean all my men will be at war again.

It's funny now, to think of how difficult and awkward I thought it was when you first asked me to visit him in the hospital. I knew he was an Invitro, and wouldn't have anyone else to visit him, and I knew how important he was to you, but I felt it wasn't my place. And he was so difficult at first, as well you know. The doctors say he owes all his progress to me, but you and I know that isn't true. The man is a fighter. Lying in that dreadful place would have killed him as surely as a Chig fighter. The doctors say they may be able to perform a graft someday, with Ty's tissue type on file, but for now he's getting around just fine.

Ty has also been a great help in getting me over the nightmares. He understands, like no one else, what it's like to dream I'm back there, in that place. His quiet strength gets me through the bad days.

We both wish you and Cooper could have attended our wedding, and I know you would have been there, if not for the war and the light years between us. We're so happy, Nathan, just the two of us.

Sometimes, we can forget there is a war, just for a moment, but Ty is a soldier first, and he misses it, and you and Cooper especially. He says I've changed him so much, you won't recognise him, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Hopefully, we'll see you when the Saratoga returns to Earth next month. Ty is hoping to be fit enough to return by then. Until then, our wishes for your safety and happiness go with you.

Love,

Kylen and Ty McQueen"

Nathan looked up from the letter, meeting Cooper's eyes.

"The bastards," grinned Cooper, leaning down to continue licking across Nathan's chest, winding his way across to his abdomen.

Nathan screwed up the letter and let it drop from his hand, sighing as Cooper slid his hot mouth down on him.

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